Like Father like Sons (Part 2):
The Victimization of the Innocent
2 Samuel 13:19-20
In the story, we see Tamar trapped (vv. 5-11), ignored (vv. 14a, 16b), raped (v. 14b), despised (v. 15), banished (v. 17), and ruined (vv. 18-19, 20b). We must do what Amnon did not do: listen to Tamar.
Tamar lived in Absalom's household, and one word summed up her life: 'desolate', or as another commentator put it, 'laid waste'.
The writer wants to win your sympathies for Tamar. Deuteronomy 22:25-26
What is shame? Shame is the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did, something done to you, or something associated with you.
A violent assault awakens some of the most painful, horrifying emotions that humans are capable of. Terror, shock, unbearable pain, overwhelming helplessness, and vulnerability. David Powlison
Numbness: Life can feel unreal
Fear: memories, of being alone, flashbacks
Worry: std’s, pregnancy
Anger: this is expected but it can be difficult to not let it turn into bitterness
Relationships: it will be hard to trust again
Shame: It is common to feel a deep sense of shame and uncleanness though you are the victim.
Regret and self blame: Victims think “If only” I did this or did not do this.
Depression: sadness that will not go away
Escapism: try to forget or soak it in drugs, alcohol, food, TV
Pain: Pain: Pain
Steps to healing:
- Face what happened: reality, and understand that God is there (Ps 46:1)
- You need to face your reactions such as grief, hurt, confusion, fear, and anger (Ps 55:4)
- Face Jesus: Invite him to walk with you in your struggle (Isaiah 43:2).
- Jesus was violated, innocent, and suffered at the hands of evil people. He knows how you feel.
- Trust God will redeem these broken experiences in time (Geneses 50:20)
- Trust that God will use you to encourage others who go through similar experiences:
- Proclaim the first tier of forgiveness: What the attacker did was wrong, big, and should be punished. This simply means you must choose not to seek personal retaliation for your benefit. (1 peter 2)
Throughout His ministry, Jesus often showed grace and identity with those experiencing shame by a simple “touch.”
*Sexual Assault: Healing Steps for Victims by David Powlison
* Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection by Edward T. Welch.